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Today's jokes [3.7.18]

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Buford: Man, have you got a drinking problem! Mongo: The hell I do! 
Buford: The hell you don't!
Mongo: I don't have a drinking problem. I drink...I get drunk...I fall 
down. No problem! 


   The teacher had given the class an assignment.
   He stresses the importance of this particular assignment, and that no
   excuses will be
   accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or a death in the
   immediate family (with a
   note from that member).
   A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion,
   The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher
   responds with:
   "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."


A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once
Upon A Time?"
And he replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin 
with 'If Elected I promise...'"


When I was in jr. high, all I wanted was a girl with big breasts...

In high school, I dated a girl with big breasts, but there was no 
So I decided I needed a passionate girl.. 

In college, I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.. 
Everything was an emergency, she cried all the time. So I decided I 
needed a girl with some stability.. 
I found a very stable girl, but she was boring. She never got excited 
about anything. So I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.. 

I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed 
from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She was
So I decided to find a girl with some ambition.. 
After college, I found an ambitious girl and married her. She was so 
ambitious, she divorced me and took everything I owned.. 

Now all I want is a girl with big breasts..


This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the 
blonde said to her boyfriend,
"Is it true that if you pull you finger out, I'll sink?"


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