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Today's jokes [12.5.18]

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Night. A sleeping couple is lying in a bed. Door bell rings. A couple 
wakes up.
Woman: "Quick! My husband is back!"
Man jumps out from a window. Flying down he starts to think: "Shit! But I 
am the husband!"

Sent by Ser



1. 




A young man walks into a singles bar with a roll of quarters taped inside 
the crotch of his jeans. He looks around, then sits next to the most 
attractive woman there. He was very pleased with himself after he noticed 
her constantly glancing down at his crotch. "Hi, there, I'm Jerry," he 
said, as he went into one of his well rehearsed routines, "and I help 
produce a T.V. quiz show. Is there any question I can answer for you?" "As 
a matter of fact there is," she said as she glanced down once more toward 
his embellished jeans. "Do you have change for a dollar?"

2. 




Why did the monkey fall out of the tree ? 
     - Because it was dead. 

Why did the baby fall out of the tree ? 
     - Because it was stapled to the monkey. 

3. 




Mick was sitting at the pub telling his mate Harry about a disturbing 
thing that happened the night before.
"Last night I came home from the pub pissed as a tick, so I hopped into 
bed and started feeling up me missus. After a few strokes of her firm arse 
she got aroused and then we fucked like bunnies for about two hours.
Like I do every time after a fuck, I leaned over and turned on the light, 
lit up two cigarettes and went to pass one to the trouble 'n' strife. 
Rubbing me weary eyes I realized that I'd accidentally walked into my 
eight year olds daughter's room by, and worse still she was on the 
swimming team and didn't smoke.

4. 




Question: What is the most popular pick up 
          line in a gay bar? 

Answer: Can I push your stool in?

5. 



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