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Today's jokes [11.1.18]

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John and Mary visit their pastor for marriage counseling. The pastor gets 
up and hugs Mary, and sits down.  He gets up and hugs Mary a second, and 
third time, and then turns to John and says, "See that, John.  Mary needs 
that EVERY DAY!"
John replies, "Well, that's fine, Pastor.  But I can't bring her over here
except on Tuesdays and Thursdays."


Q: How can you tell a blonde has been working on the 

A: There is white out on the screen


   After the lavish wedding reception, the newlyweds retired to their
   Honeymoon Suite. The groom turned down the lights and found some nice
   CDs to stack on the player. Then he excused himself and returned in
   pajamas and robe. He opened a bottle of champagne and poured them each
   a drink, unaware that his new bride had already had more than enuff to
   drink. Finally, he took the girl of his dreams, whom he had wed after
   a whirl-wind courtship, by the hand and tenderly began to lead her
   towards the bedroom.
   "Damn !" she muttered, "every stinking time I go out with a guy it
   always ends up the same way."


This fellow was screwing his best friend's wife when he suddenly stopped 
and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his head in his hands. "What the 
hell is your problem?" the lady asked. "I feel like a regular son of a 
bitch, getting my best friends pussy," the man moaned. The lady reached 
over and patted him on the back. "Well, if that's all it is, you can stop 
worrying," she said. "You're not getting his pussy. His pussy is five to 
six inches deeper."


Q. What's an Australian kiss?
A. The same thing as a French kiss, only down under!


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