Today's jokes [9.11.17]
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A business man from New York decided to quit his job and buy a 200 acre
spread in Montana. One day while out riding his horse, he came across
another man on horseback. The man told him he was his next door neighbor
and he was having a get-together the coming weekend. He said: I have to
warn you though, there will be alot of drinking at this party. The city
slicker said no problem. There will also be sex going on. No problem he
responded. Well, There will probably be some fighting too. I think I can
handle myself, claimed the new neighbor. As he rode off, he turned and
asked the party host. "By the way, what should I wear at the party" The
man, responded "Oh, it don't matter, It's only going to be me and you!"
Sent by Chris
A guy was attending a masquerade Halloween Ball, and
dancing with a girl who was wearing a map of Texas for a
Suddenly she slapped him hard and stalked off the dance floor.
"What the hell happened?" asked a friend who had witnessed
the entire event.
"I'm not really sure." the man replied, rubbing his red cheek.
"When she asked if I had ever been to Texas, I put my finger on
Amarillo to show her, and she let me have it."
An elderly man tells the Doctor he is planning on marrying a women of 30,
and would he have any suggestions.
"Yes," says the Doctor, "I would advise you to take in a boarder."
A year later at his 80th year check-up, the Doctor asks how everything is
going. He says fine his wife is pregnant.
The Doctor remarks: "so you took my advise and took in a boarder?"
"Yes I did, is the reply, and she's pregnant also....."
Did you hear that in New York State, the Stop And Shop grocery chain
merged with the A & P?
Yup..now they call it the...Stop & P.
Age EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17 Need to wash my hair
25 Need to wash and condition my hair
35 Need to color my hair
48 Need to have Francois color my hair
66 Need to have Francois color my wig
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