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Today's jokes [8.1.17]

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IDEAL DATE

At      17         Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
        25         "Split the check before we go back to my place"
        35         "Just come over."
        48         "Just come over and cook."
        66         Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.

1. 




Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street.
"Well, Morrie, how's your warehouse business going?"
. "Oy vey, Abraham, it's not going so good, we had a flood last week."
"So, Morrie," whispers Abraham "How do you start a flood?". 

2. 




How is being at the singles bar different from being at the circus?

At the circus the clowns don't talk...



3. 




At a posh Las Vegas casino, a blackjack dealer and a player with a 13 
count in his hand are arguing about whether or not it is appropriate to 
tip the dealer. The player says, "When I get bad cards, it's not the 
dealer's fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously 
has nothing to do with that either, so why should I tip him?" 
The dealer replies, "When you eat at a restaurant do you tip the waiter?" 
"Yes," the gambler concedes. 
"Well then, he serves you food; whether it's good or bad isn't up to him. 
By the same token, I'm serving you cards, so you should tip me." 
"OK," says the gambler, "but the waiter gives me what I ask for.
I'll take an 8."

4. 




How do you get a blonde's eyes to sparkle?
    
Shine a flashlight in her ear.

5. 



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