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Today's jokes [6.9.17]

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Why did the Avon lady walk funny? 

     Her lipstick. 

1. 




A certain young lady named Rowell 
Had a musical bent to her bowel. 
With a good plate of beans 
Tucked under her jeans 
She could play To a Wild Rose by MacDowell. 

2. 




Sidney has a problem with premature ejaculation, so he pays a visit to a 
sex shop for a remedy. The clerk hands him a little purple can and 
says, "This is Stay-Hard spray... put on a little and you can go all 
night!"
Excited, Sidney takes it home, stashes it in the cellar on a shelf, and 
waits eagerly for bedtime. Later that night, he sprays some on his member 
and then goes upstairs to his wife. To his utter disappointment, however, 
the remedy seems to make him orgasm quicker than ever.
The next day, Sidney returns to the sex shop, angrily slammed the can down 
on the counter, and snaps, "This stuff makes me worse than before!"
Upon reading the label, the clerk asks, "I don't suppose your hid this 
stuff on your basement shelf, did you?"
"Yeah, so?"
"You must have grabbed the wrong can, sir... this is Easy-Off."

3. 




"...And the halftime score here at the Colleusium is Lions 7,
Christians Nothing. We'll be right back after these messages..." 

4. 




A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an
overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing
their home lives.

"Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman
bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and
she told me how much she adored me."

"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian
responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and
told me she could never love another man."

When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked,
"And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?"

"Once," he replied.

"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say
to you this morning?"

"Don't stop." 

5. 



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