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Today's jokes [6.8.17]

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The Three Laws of Thermodynamics

  1.You can't win.

  2.You can't break even.

  3.You can't quit the game. 


Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe
the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and
'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.


A man running a little behind schedule arrives at a picture theatre, goes 
in to watch the movie that has already started, and as his eyes adjust to 
the darkness, he is surprised to see a dog sitting beside its master in 
the row ahead, intently watching the movie.  It even seemed to be enjoying 
the movie:  wagging its tail in the happy bits, drooping its ears at the 
sad bits, and hiding its eyes with its paws at the scary bits.  After the 
movie, the man approaches the dogs owner,
"Jeez mate, your dog really seemed to enjoy the movie.  I'm amazed!"
"Yes, I'm amazed also," came the reply.  "He hated the book."


What do you call a man that marries another man?

A minister


There was an exhibitionist who was taking a trip on an airplane.
At the top of the stairs there was a stewardess collecting tickets.
When the man got to the top of the stairs, he opened his coat and
exposed himself. The stewardess said, "I'm sorry sir. You have to
show your ticket here, not your stub." 


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