Today's jokes [6.2.17]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young
newlywed couple wanted to join a church.
The pastor says, "We have special requirements for new parishioners.
You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor
goes to the elderly couple and asks, "Were you able to abstain from sex
for the two weeks?"
The old man replies, "No problem at all, Pastor."
"Congratulations! Welcome to the church." said the pastor. The pastor
goes to the middle aged couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain
from sex for the two weeks?"
The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I
had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it.
Welcome to the church." said the pastor. The pastor then goes to the
newlywed couple and asks, 'Well, were you able to abstain from sex for
"Well Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks,"
the young man replied.
"What happened?" inquired the pastor.
"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it.
When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took
advantage of her right there."
"You understand of course, this means you will not be welcome in our
church," stated the pastor.
"That's OK." said the young man, "We're not welcome at Safeway anymore,
I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement.
Won't you fogive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart.
I was a fool, nobody can take your place. I love you.
All my love,
PS Congratulations on winning this week's lottery.
What did the lawyer name his daughter?
Robinson came home in great excitement and said to his wife, "You'll
never believe it, dear, but I've discovered an entirely new position
"Really," said Mrs. Robinson, interested at once. "What is it?"
"Back to back."
"But that's crazy. We can't do anything back to back."
"Yes we can. I've persuaded another couple to help out."
A young lady had just visited her doctor and he informed her
that she was pregnant. The young lady had been married for
ten years and had wanted a baby very badly. As she sat on
the bus, on her way home, she felt that she had to share the
good news with someone. The gentleman sitting next to her
seemed as good as anyone to share the good news with.
Sir, she said, I just received the best news you could ever
imagine. I have to share it with someone or I'll bust. She told
him the news that the doctor had told her about being pregnant.
The man shared her enthusiam as he shared his expierence.
He said he was a farmer and he had trouble with his hens
laying eggs. He stated that he went out to the hen house one
morning and all of his hens had layed eggs. He was so happy.
he added, "but confidentially, I changed cocks."
The newly pregnant woman responded, "Confidentially, me
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30