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Today's jokes [6.16.17]

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A guest from some foreign country was bragging that in HIS
country there is 79 different ways to make mad passionate love.

Ray listened patiently.  "That's amazing.  Where I come from
there's really only one."

"Oh," sniffed the Romeo, "just one?  And which way is that?"

"Well, there's a man and there's a woman . . . "

"Praise Allah!!! Number 80!!!"

1. 




If for every rule there is an exception, then we have established that 
there is an exception to every rule.
If we accept "For every rule there is an exception" as a rule, then we 
must concede that there may not be an exception after all, since the rule 
states that there is always the possibility of exception, and if we follow 
it to its logical end we must agree that there can be an exception to
the rule that for every rule there is an exception. 

2. 




The organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different
limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.



3. 




A couple gets married, and thirty years later they're in the same hotel, 
in the same room. She takes off all her clothes, lies back on the bed, and 
spreads her legs. Her husband starts to cry. She says, "What's the 
matter?" He says, "Thirty years ago I couldn't wait to eat it. Now it 
looks like it can't wait to eat me."

4. 




George W. Bush was passing through an airplane terminal
and he noticed an old man in a long white robe, with a
long white beard, long white hair and carrying two stone
tablets in his arms. He approached the man and asked,
"Aren't you Moses?" But the man wouldn't listen to him
and continued walking. George asked him again, "Aren't
you Moses?" The old man continued ignoring him, even
turning his back on little Bush. George grabs the man's
arm, looks him right in the eye and insists, "Answer me
-- Aren't you Moses?" The man replies, "I'm not saying
shit! The last time I spoke to a Bush I ended up roaming
the desert for 40 years!"

5. 



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