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Today's jokes [6.14.17]

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I guess some things will never change. I hired a temp while my 
secretary was on maternity leave. Trying to arrive at an 
agreeable wage, I asked what she expected to earn.

She said, "Well... the minimum I could work for is four 
hundred a week."

I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure. 

She shook her head and replied, "With pleasure, it'll be $600 
a week."

1. 




Father Goose Story No. 2



        When the powerful king found his throne missing the next
day, he  ordered HIS army to kidnap the other king's count and force
him to tell where the throne was being hid. The session went as
follows:

king:   Where is the throne?
count:  I cannot tell you.
king:   Then I will have you killed!  Executioner, cut off his
        head!
count:  (as the axe is swinging down...)
        Ok!  I will tell you!
                        THWACK!!!

Moral: don't hatchet your counts before they chicken.

2. 




At the first session of a conversion class the
minister conducting the class asked, "What must
we do before we can expect forgiveness from sin?" 

After a long silence, one of the men in attendance
raised his hand and said: 

"Sin?"

3. 




This girl I know told me she was so horny her own tongue's starting to feel good in her mouth.

4. 




An old bloke in the Northern Territory was showing some tourists how to 
top up a camel with water.
"That way," he said, "You get an extra day out of them between drinks."
As the camel bent down to drink, the bloke picked up two bricks and bashed 
them over the camel's balls.
The camel sucked in its breath and took on three days' extra water.
"Doesn't that hurt?" asked a tourist.
"Nah," replied the bloke. "Only if you get your fingers caught!"

5. 



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