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Today's jokes [5.6.17]

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One day, a young cowboy and a cowgirl decided to get married.
He was a man of the world and she was an innocent bride with
no experience.
On the first night of their honeymoon the couple washed up
and started to get ready for bed. When they get into bed,
they start exploring each other's bodies.
Things are going fine until the bride discovers her
husband's penis. "Oh my", she says, "What is that?"
"Well, darlin", the cowboy says, "That's ma rope".
\She slides her hands further down and gasps.
"Oh my goodness. What's them?" she asks.
"Honey, them's my knots", he answers.
Finally, the couple begin to make love. After several minutes,
the bride says, "Stop honey. Wait a minute".
Her husband, panting a little, asks, "What's the matter honey?
Am I hurting you?"
"No", the bride replies. "Just undo them damn knots.
I need more rope!"

1. 




The newlyweds showed up at the hotel and asked for the honeymoon suite.
"Do you have reservations?" asked the desk clerk.
"Only one, " replied the groom, "she won't take it up the ass."

2. 




What did the priest say to the nun when he screwed her?

"The holy pole is in your hole so wet your ass and save your soul."

3. 




A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something
about his girlfriend being out in the car.
The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. 
When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk's buddy, Pete, and his 
girlfriend going at it in the back-seat. The bartender shook his head and 
walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good 
idea to check on his girlfriend.
The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriend
entwined, then walked back into the bar laughing. "What's so funny?" the
bartender asked.
"That damned Pete!" the drunk chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's 
me!"

4. 




   Version 1.
   
   This butcher lived in an apartment over his shop. One night he was
   awakened by strange noises coming from below, so he tiptoed downstairs
   and saw his 19-year-old daughter sitting on the chopping block and
   masturbating with a liverwurst. The butcher sighed and tiptoed back to
   bed.
   
   The next morning, when a customer walked in and asked for some
   liverwurst, the butcher said that he didn't have any left. The
   customer was really annoyed, she pointed to the corner of the shop and
   asked, "No liverwurst? Well, what's that hanging on the hook right
   over there?"
   
   The butcher frowned at her. "That", he replied, "is my son-in-law."
   


5. 



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