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Today's quotes [4.20.17]

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I must confess, I was born at a very early age. 

1. 




Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. 

2. 




Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women,
sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex
is an emergency, and no matter what we're doing we can
be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are
like fire. They're very excited, but the conditions have
to be exactly right for it to occur. 

    - Jerry Seinfeld 

3. 




"My wife just got pregnant ... She took seriously what was poked at her in fun!" 

4. 




Mistress - Somewhere between a mister and a mattress

5. 



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