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Today's jokes [4.6.17]

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    A woman asks her husband to buy her a fur coat for their
   25th anniversary.
   "HA," he snorted, "The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you
   can grow hair on your chest!" On that she hikes up her skirt, drops
   her panties, and thrusts her pubic area forward. "There! I have hair
   on my chest, now buy me a fur coat." "That's not your chest!" he roars
   back. "Damn right it's my chest," she argued, "Before we got married,
   this was your hope chest. On our honeymoon, it was your treasure
   chest. Afterwards it became our family chest. AND IF YOU DON'T BUY ME
   A FUR COAT, IT WILL SOON BECOME THE COMMUNITY CHEST!"


1. 




An old man is sitting on the park bench crying. Another old
man sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's the
problem?"
The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I've
got this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do is
make love from the moment I walk in the door till the moment
we go to sleep and then when we wake up again."
"So, what the hell is the problem?"
"Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"Another old
man sits down next to him and says, "Mister, what's the
problem?"
The old man wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "I've
got this beautiful, 35 year old wife, and all she wants to do is
make love from the moment I walk in the door till the moment
we go to sleep and then when we wake up again."
"So, what the hell is the problem?"
"Mister, you don't understand... I forgot where I live!"

2. 




I've never understood why women love cats.
Cats are independent, they don't listen,
they don't come in when you call, they like
to stay out all night, come home and expect
to be fed and stroked, then want to be left
alone and sleep. In other words, every quality
that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

3. 




How can you tell if your college roomate is gay?

-His dick tastes like shit. 

4. 




   A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem.
   The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go
   behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but
   went ahead anyway.
   
   When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front of
   and facing a full length mirror. The young woman was even more shocked
   but if it would help solve her problem she thought she had better do
   what the doctor said.
   
   As soon as she was in position the doctor asked her to open her legs
   and when she did he put his head between them and rested his chin
   right on her private parts. After a few moments and some very positive
   'yes, yes' type noises the doctor instructed her to get dressed again.
   
   Afterwards, the doctor sat her down and informed her that the main
   cause of her problem was just that she was drinking far too much
   liquid before going to bed.
   
   "So what did the exercise in front of the mirror tell you?"
   
   "Well," said the doctor, "my wife is right, a beard would suit me."
   


5. 



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