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Today's stories [3.9.17]

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The classically minded among us may have noted a new TV ad for
Microsoft's Internet Explorer e-mail program which uses the
musical theme of the "Confutatis Maledictis" from Mozart's Requiem. 

"Where do you want to go today?" is the cheery line on the screen, while 
the chorus sings "Confutatis maledictis, flammis acribus addictis." For 
those of you who have not studied Latin, this translates to "The damned 
and accursed are consigned to the flames of hell." 

Good to know that Microsoft has done its research!

1. 




Modern parents believe toilet training should be an easy and
casual affair.  Just let the child s*%# all over everything.  This
prepares him or her for a brilliant career as a talk show host.
        It used to be thought that children should act like "little
adults".  Like many things that used to be thought, this is true.  In
fact, now more than ever.  Today's real adults are self-involved,
impulsive, inarticulate, and spend as much time as possible out
playing.  They can't sit still, don't like to get dressed up, and hate
every kind of activity that requires self-restraint.  Adults are the
children of today, and therefore children have to be adults because
there's only so much room in the world for kids.
        
             --P.J. O'Rouke

2. 




he First Message From an Alien 
Civilization... 

Simply send 6 x 10^50 atoms of hydrogen to the star system 
at the top of the list, cross off that star system, then put your 
star system at the bottom of the list and send it to 100 other 
star systems. Within one-tenth of a galactic rotation you will 
receive enough hydrogen to power your civilization until entropy 
reaches its maximum! IT REALLY WORKS!

3. 



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