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Today's stories [3.18.17]

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Listen about that guy who was pulled over for running a
stop sign.  When the cop checked the man's driver's license,
he said, "You're wearing glasses on your ID and you're not 
now.  I'm going to have to give you a ticket for that."  The guy 
said, "Officer, I have *contacts*."  The cop said, "Look, buddy, 
I don't care *who* you know -- I'm giving you a ticket."



1. 




The two butchers were brought into the emergency room.
They both had their left hands bandaged.  "What happened?"  I 
asked the first one.  "I was cutting some meat when the cleaver 
slipped and cut my hand."  I asked the other one how he had
been injured.  "Oh, I was showing the other guys what *this*
guy was doing and I did the same thing."

2. 




My husband was telling me a joke while my 7 year old son 
listened.  In the joke is a line about a barber being told *not* to
put hair tonic on the customer because the customer's wife 
would think he'd been to a whorehouse.  Another customer 
tells a second barber to go ahead and splash it on -- his wife
doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.  
My son turns to me and says, "Do *you* know what it smells
like, Mommy?"

3. 



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