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Today's jokes [3.8.17]

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   An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon. They
   were in bed
   getting ready to have sex for the first time and the old woman said I
   should tell you I have
   acute angina The old man says I hope so, you sure don't have cute
   tits.
   


1. 




Three Republicans walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "We don't serve Republicans here."
The Republicans say, "That's OK...We don't serve you either.

2. 




WHAT DO YOU CALL A BLONDE STANDING ON HER HEAD?


A BRUNETTE WITH BAD BREATH!

Sent by M

3. 




A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall 
that says, "$500 if we fail to fill your order." 
When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye. She calmly 
writes down his order and walks into the kitchen. Almost immediately he 
hears an explosion of voices. 
The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen and up to the 
customer's table. He slaps down five $100 bills in front of the man. 
"You got me this time, buddy," he says, "but I want you to know this -- 
that's the first time in 10 years we've been out of rye bread." 


4. 




   This man was having problems getting it up to have sex with his wife,
   so he went to the
   doctor for advice. The doctor told him the next time he wanted to have
   sex, to stick his
   finger in his wife's pussy, and then rub it under his nose, and the
   smell would cause his
   hormones to kick in, and he would obtain an erection. That night, he
   decided to make his
   move. He turned out all the lights and got into bed. He put his finger
   in her pussy, and then
   rubbed it under his nose. He felt a tingling in his cock, and it began
   to stiffen. Amazed, he
   decided to see what would happen if he used two fingers. He stuck them
   in her pussy, then
   rubbed them both under his nose, and his cock quickly jumped to 3/4
   erect. He decided to
   try 3 fingers, so he put them in her pussy, then rubbed them all
   around under his nose.
   Soon he was sporting the biggest hard on he could remember. He said,
   "Honey, quick
   turn on the lights, and check this out!" She turned on the lights, and
   with his dick standing
   tall, he proudly asked, "What do you think?" She looked at him and
   said, "Looks like the
   worst nose bleed I've ever seen!"
   


5. 



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