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Today's jokes [3.5.17]

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A popular whore house was visited by a lesbian. The lesbian requested a 15 
year old, and the madam replied
"I'm sorry, we don't serve minors to lickers." 

1. 




Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible 
designers of the human body. 
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." 
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems 
many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a 
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?" 

2. 




The Pentagon decided one day that there were to many 

Generals, so they decided to offer early retirement to 

three of them.  They called Congress and asked them to vote

on a method of determining each General's early retirement

bonus.  After voting Congress decided that each man would 

choose two points of their body to measure between and then 

each man would be paid $10,000 per inch.



    They called in the first General.  He decide to have

them measure from the top of his head to the bottom of his

feet.  Upon measuring it to 6 feet, they paid him $720,000.



    The next General, thinking a little bit more, stretched

his arms above his head, and asked them to measure from the

tips of his fingers, to the bottom of his feet.  After 

measuring 8 feet, they paid him $960,000.



    The next General, with a smug look on his face, asked 

them to measure from the tip of his penis to the bottom of

his balls.  Congress decided to call in a medical officer.

The medical officer asked the General to drop his pants.  

The medical officer lifted the General's penis to make the

measurement, but instead he exclaimed, "Good God man, where

are your balls!!"  With a smile the General said, "I left 

them in Vietnam."


Sent by Sparky and Wife

3. 




What's the one thing you can do to a Jewish girl's asshole
to make her squeal with delight?

                      Give him a raise. 


4. 




Back in the turn of the century in a mining town out west,
a woman walked into a saloon.  Suddenly she realised that
she was not in the general store so she started to turn
around and leave.  As she was doing this, a drunk cowboy
seated at the bar noticed her and said to the woman, "Come
on over, Ma'am, sit yerself down right here next to me and
have yerself a drink.
"Thank you kindly Sir, but I'm afraid that I couldn't,"
replied the woman, "on account that I need to get bread."
The cowboy replied, "Uh, Ma'am, I do reckon you came to the
right place for that!"

5. 



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