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Today's jokes [3.2.17]

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A fellow getting a shave asked the barber if he had another 
razor. 

"Why?"  asked the barber, "Is there something wrong with this 
one?"

"I don't know." replied the customer. "But I would appreciate a 
chance to defend myself."

1. 




   Version 2:
   
   A 60 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her
   bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old daughter
   playing with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" asked the Mom.
   
   "Mom, I am 40 years old and look at me. I am ugly. I will never get
   married, so this is pretty much my husband."
   
   The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head.
   
   The next day the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and
   upon entering the room found his daughter using the vibrator. "What
   the hell are you doing?!" he asked.
   
   His daughter replied, "I already told Mom. I am 40 years old now and
   ugly. I will never get married so this is as close as I'll ever get to
   a husband."
   
   The father walked out of the room shaking his head too.
   
   The next day the Mother came home to find her husband with a beer in
   one hand and the vibrator sitting next to him, watching the football
   game.
   
   "For Christ's sake, what are you doing?" she cried.
   
   The husband replied, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a
   beer and watching the game with my new son-in-law!"
   


2. 




A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish 
and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned 
over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned
for a while but then smiled and said, "It really works!"

3. 




for you girls...

Why is 88 better than 69?

You get 8 twice.

4. 




While away at a convention, an executive happened to meet a young woman 
who was pretty and intelligent. When he persuaded her to disrobe in his 
hotel room, he found out she had a superb body as well. Unfortunately, 
the executive found himself unable to perform.

On his first night home, the executive walked from the shower into the
bedroom to find his wife covered in a rumpled bathrobe, her hair 
curled, her face creamed, munching candy loudly while she pored through 
a movie magazine.

Then, without warning, he felt the onset of a magnificent erection. 
Looking down at this, he snarled, "Why you ungrateful, mixed-up son of 
a bitch. Now I know why they call you a prick!"

5. 



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