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Today's jokes [12.7.17]

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There's these four Irishmen in a bar, all drinking Guinness. One of them 
is looking rather puzzled, so another turns to him and asks him what's the 
matter.

1st Irishman: Well, I was just trying to remember what 2 plus 2 is.
2nd Irishman: Oh, that's easy, it's 147.
1st Irishman: No no no, that can't be right. How about you, Fergus, do you
              know what 2 plus 2 is?
3rd Irishman: Hmmm ... could it be Wednesday, perhaps?
1st Irishman: No no no, that doesn't sound right either. How about you               
Pat, do you know?
4th Irishman: Simple, the answer is 4.
1st Irishman: Of course! How did you work it out?!
4th Irishman: Aha, that's where brains come in! I subtracted 147 from
              Wednesday!



1. 




A wealthy man sat in his attorney's office.
"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?"
the lawyer asked.
"Give me the bad news first."
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" the man asked incredulously.
"I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"It's of you and your mistress."

2. 




How do old people have oral sex? 

    They talk about it. 

3. 




What's the difference between Madonna and the Panama Canal?

Well, you see, the Panama canal is a busy ditch... 

4. 




   An old drunk stumbles into a confessional. After not hearing anything
   for a while the
   Priest knocked on the wall. The drunk said forget it buddy there's no
   paper in here either.
   


5. 



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