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Today's stories [11.8.17]

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Modern parents believe toilet training should be an easy and
casual affair.  Just let the child s*%# all over everything.  This
prepares him or her for a brilliant career as a talk show host.
        It used to be thought that children should act like "little
adults".  Like many things that used to be thought, this is true.  In
fact, now more than ever.  Today's real adults are self-involved,
impulsive, inarticulate, and spend as much time as possible out
playing.  They can't sit still, don't like to get dressed up, and hate
every kind of activity that requires self-restraint.  Adults are the
children of today, and therefore children have to be adults because
there's only so much room in the world for kids.
        
             --P.J. O'Rouke

1. 




he First Message From an Alien 
Civilization... 

Simply send 6 x 10^50 atoms of hydrogen to the star system 
at the top of the list, cross off that star system, then put your 
star system at the bottom of the list and send it to 100 other 
star systems. Within one-tenth of a galactic rotation you will 
receive enough hydrogen to power your civilization until entropy 
reaches its maximum! IT REALLY WORKS!

2. 




A lady walks in a computer store one day with a box of 5 1/2 inch disks,
says "I bought these disks and they seem to be defective."
"So", says the salesman, "what type of computer do you have?"
"An Apple," says she.
So fine, he says, and takes her over to a IIe...
"Oh, not this one," she said, "I own one of those!" And points to a Mac.
(at this point the salesman, as you do, saw where this was going, and
refused to believe it.)
"Well," says the salesman "these are 5 1/2 inch disks, they won't won't 
fit in one of those..."
"Oh, I made them fit." Says the woman.
Needless to say, she had taken a pair of scissors...

3. 



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