Today's jokes [11.6.17]
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A pollster was taking opinions outside the United Nations building in New
York City. He approached four men waiting to cross the street: a Saudi, a
Russian, a North Korean and a resident New Yorker. He asked, "Excuse me, I
would like to ask you your opinion on the current meat shortage?"
The Saudi replied, "Excuse me, but what is a shortage?"
The Russian said, "Excuse me, but what is meat?"
The North Korean replied, "Excuse me, but what is an opinion?"
The New Yorker replied, "Excuse me, but what is 'excuse me?'"
Stacking Strategy. It is not enough to pile lots of
documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. .
Can always borrow from library. Thick computer manuals are the best.
It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date.
He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the
front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in.
Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?," he
says. "That's cool" says Bobby.
Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby
replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda
shop or a movie.
Carrie's father responds "why don't you two go out and screw?
I hear all the kids are doing it." Naturally, this comes as a
quite a surprise to Bobby-so he asks Carrie's Dad to repeat it.
"Yeah," says Carries father, "Carrie really likes to screw;
she'll screw all night if we let her!"
Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up, and his plan for
the evening was beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes
later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and
announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with
anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.
About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house,
slams the door behind her, and screams at her father:
"Dammit Daddy! It's called the twist!"
Billy was 14 and just started jerkin off. He loved to jerk off. However,
one day, his dad walked in on him while he was jerkin off! Billy was so
embarrassed. He pulled up his pants as quick as he could. But, his dad
already seen him.
"Billy," said his dad, "doing that will make you go blind"
"Dad," he replied, "I'm over here!"
An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns,
drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit
when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of
his license plate.
The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again;
even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third
time, at an even slower speed. Same result.
"This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty
A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail,
he discovered three traffic tickets:
Each for not wearing a seat belt!
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