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Today's quotes [10.10.17]

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"Fuck 'em if they can't take a compliment."
"If you're going to be quoting Lao Tzu, then please at least give the guy
 proper citation."
                        -- Detective Sanchez, Lt. Wilkes


1. 




"Well, I made up for it big time the next night at another concert. Jill
 Sobule (of "I Kissed a Girl" fame) actually thanked me for being the maniac
 I am, people continue to be frightened of me, and I also triggered a "why-
 can't-you-be-in-shape-like-him" from a woman to her boyfriend. I may not
 have made a spectacle of myself at the Swans concert, but at least I
 destroyed a relationship.:-) ...  Wait a minute. That's not funny. I'm
 evil. *sob*"
                        -- Lt. Wilkes, discussing his form of "dancing"


2. 




"Jesus sucks knowledge of "bad stuff" out of your mind. Interesting, I'll
 have to remember that.:-)"
"Jesus is the Liposuction of the Soul.  He died to take away man's cellulite."
                        -- Lt. Wilkes, Tzimon Yliaster


3. 




"Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
 And East is East and West is West and if you take cranberries and stew
 them like applesauce they taste more like prunes than a rhubarb does.
 Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know."
                        -- Groucho Marx


4. 




Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you
       think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? (1)
       Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. (2) Advising the President.
       (3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin. -- David
       Letterman


5. 



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