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Today's jokes [10.9.17]

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   Warning - English Joke!
   
   UK-US Translation Guide:
   "Aussie" = Australian
   "Shag" = To have sex with
   
   An Aussie was marooned on a desert island. His only companions were a
   male dog and a female koala. The dog and koala hit it off, and for a
   year the Aussie could only sit and watch while the dog humped the
   koala senseless.
   
   "Lucky bastard!" thought the Aussie, "I could do with a good shag
   myself. "
   
   One day a beautiful naked blonde was washed up on the beach.
   
   "Hi. I'll do anything you want me to," she said to the Aussie.
   
   "Great!!! At last, after all this time!!! Take the dog for a walk,
   love, while I shag this koala."
   


1. 




A gent spots a nice looking gal in a bar goes up
and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn't back
off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied.
"That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation,   
"Who named you,your mother?"
"No, I named myself, she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting, why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men,"
she said looking directly into his eyes.
"What's your name?"
"Beerfuck."

Sent by Ron

2. 




When the boy started Kindergarten, the teacher asked all 
the children to give their first name. When she got to the
little boy in the second row, he said:  "I'll give you a
hint. First it's in your hand, then it's in your mouth,
and then it's in your tummy."
The teacher smiled and said: "OK, Dick, sit down."

3. 




FAVORITE FANTASY

       Age         Fantasy

        17         getting to third
        25         airplane sex
        35         menage a trois
        48         taking the company public
        66         Swiss maid/Nazi love slave

4. 




An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing
problem. "I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and
they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I've farted no less than
twenty times. What can I do?"

"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for
seven days and comeback and see me in a week."

Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I
don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm farting
just as much, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for
yourself?".

"Calm down, Mrs.Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed
your
sinuses, we'll work on your hearing."

5. 



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