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Today's jokes [8.9.14]

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Cinderella was all set to go to the huge ball, but she was having a severe 
case of PMS. She was crabby and pissy and moody and generally not in the 
partying spirit. Well, her fairy-godmother again came to her rescue by 
providing Cinderella with a magic tampon. The fairy-godmother said, "Put 
this in and your PMS will be gone. Just remember, you have to be home by 
the stroke of midnight or the magic tampon will turn into a pumpkin and 
that is gonna be painful as hell to get out."
So, off Cinderella went to the ball in a great mood ready to dance the 
night away. Midnight comes and goes, however, and no Cinderella. Her 
fairy-godmother is worried to death. 1..2...3am and no sign of Cinderella. 
Finally she comes home at 4am. The fairy-godmother was distraught. "What 
on earth happened to you?" she said. "What about the magic tampon. I've 
been worried sick about you."
"Oh don't worry," Cinderella replied. "I met this really great guy named 
Peter-Peter."

1. 




Six stages of married life:

1: Tri-weekly
2: Try weekly
3: Try weakly
4. Try oysters
5: Try anything
6: Try to remember

2. 




An American was waiting on a London street corner. An
attractive English girl was passing by when a gust of
wind blew her dress above her waist. 
"A bit airy, isn't it?" remarked the American. 
Hearing this, the Cockney girl replied indignantly,
"'Ell yes! What did you expect - feathers?!" 


3. 




If K-Tel sold toasters...
They would not be available in stores, and
you would get a free set of Ginsu knives.

4. 




Homer:  Boy, you don't have to follow in my footsteps.
Bart:   Don't worry, I don't even like using the bathroom after you.
Homer:  Why you little -- !

5. 



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