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Today's jokes [8.7.14]

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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

How many can you afford? 


1. 




Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
 
1. No mind
2. No business. 

2. 




An old man goes to the doctor and says "Dr., I don't know what's wrong
with me.  My dick is orange."
The  Dr. tells him to pull down his pants and let him take a look.  He
has no idea what is wrong so he asks the guy if he has recently painted
anything orange.
The old man said "No."
The Dr. thinks for a minute and then asks the guy if he has recently
been exposed to any chemicals at work.
The old man said "No, I'm retired."
The Dr. then asks the guy if he could have been working with any
chemicals in his garage.
The old man replied "No Dr., I told you, I'm retired.  All I do is sit
around all day, watch pornos and eat Cheetos...



3. 




Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class,and the teacher says that an
interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other
animal in the world does this.
Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.
"Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The 
neighbours' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went 
"ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "FUCK 
OFF!", the dog ate him!"

4. 




What did cinderella do when she got to the ball???

She choked...

5. 



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