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Today's jokes [8.5.14]

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This snow plow driver from North Dakota got married. He and his new
   Bride prepared for their wedding nite. He watched for a while as she
   spread three different kinds of creams and then a white foam in
   preparation for their love making. She finally announced that she was
   ready. The man then asked if she still had that string of pearls
   necklace that he admired so much.
   
   She replied, "Well, yes darling, I do. But what in the world would you
   need it for at a time like this ?
   
   He looked again at all her "preparations" and replied, "Ain't no way
   I'm gonna try to go into a mess like that without chains."


1. 




Did you hear about the guy that entered his dog at Crufts? 

    He got 16 months. 

2. 




How is a woman like an airplane? 

    -Both have cockpits. 

3. 




What's brown and has holes in it?

     - Swiss Shit. 

4. 




Employer to applicant: "In this job we need someone who is responsible." 
Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time
anything went wrong, they said I was responsible." 

5. 



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