Today's jokes [8.15.14]
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Three guys go into a bar, one in a wheelchair, one
is blind and the other appears normal. A couple
of minutes later, God walks in to get a beer. He
sees the guys and decides to have compassion on
He touches the blind guy on the forehead, and his
sight is restored. He touches the man in the
wheelchair and the guy jumps up and walks away.
He walks to the last guy and the guy yells, 'Whoa,
God! I'm on workman's comp!'
The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard at
low pay for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions
to the lad, "When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the
anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer."
The apprentice did just as he told. Now he's the village blacksmith.
On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found him
sitting up in the bed, frantically leafing through the bible "What are
you doing?" asked the friend. "Looking for loopholes," repied the lawyer.
A woman came to the psychiatrist worried. "Doctor," she said, "I can't
sleep at night. When I'm in the next room, I have this dreadful fear that
I won't hear the baby if he falls out of the crib at night. What should I
"Easy," said the doctor. "Just take the carpet off the floor."
Q: Did you hear about the Mexico City earthquake?
A: It did $100 million worth of improvements.
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