Today's jokes [7.9.14]
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Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: More to the point, what was she doing outside of the kitchen?
A jealous husband hires a private detective to check up on his wife. The husband tells the
detective, he wants both a written account and as many videos of her in any kind of
compromising situations as the man can get.
Two weeks later the detective calls the man and tells him he has all the evidence he needs.
They make an appointment for a meeting. The two of them are sitting there watching the videos.
The man sees his wife meeting another man, then the two of them are walking in the park
laughing. Another series shows her with a different man laughing and dancing. All together, he
watches a dozen or so different activities, each with a different man, each time both she and
the man are sharing obvious utter glee.
"Amazing," said the shocked husband, "simply amazing ! I just can't believe it."
"What can't you believe ?" asked the detective, "It's all right there for you to see, plus I
have all the times and dates in my log."
"I know, I know!" said the man, still in shock, "I just can't believe my wife could be that
This woman is visiting in Israel and notices that her little travel alarm
needs a battery. She looks for a watch repair shop and while she doesn't
read Hebrew she finally sees a shop with clocks and watches in the window.
She goes in and hands the man her clock. The man says, "Madam, I don't
repair clocks. I am a Mohel. I do circumcisions."
She says, "Why all the clocks in the window?"
And he says, "And what should I have in my window?"
A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time.
Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window, "Pull over!"
"No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"
A young Jewish couple had only recently set up housekeeping when an
unfortunate incident occurred.
Early one morning, the wife, drowsy from bed, went to the toilet
for the morning's relief, and neglected to notice that the seat was up.
When she sat, she kept going!
She was just the right size and shape so that she became jammed
into the toilet past her waist with her legs sticking straight up in
front of her.
She cried for her husband, who rushed in, and for the next hour tried
desperately to extricate her.
In this process they removed her sleeping gown, but this only left her
naked and still stuck, with a particular part of her anatomy prominently
visible between her splayed legs.
Finally, the couple resolved to call a plumber,
despite the embarrassing nature of their problem.
When the plumber arrived, the young man let him in, but as they were
walking to the bathroom, the young man realized that his wife was
exposed in a very compromising and humiliating way.
Thinking fast, he ran ahead of the plumber and placed the first thing he
could think of, his yarmulke skull cap, over his wife's exposed
The plumber walked into the bathroom, took one long look, and commented:
"Well, I think I can save your wife, buddy, but the Rabbi's a goner."
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