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Today's jokes [7.8.14]

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   A young married woman was discussing her sex life with a girlfriend.
   The girlfriend asked, "Do you talk to your husband when you're making
   love ?"
   
   She thought about it a minute then said, "Well, no. But I could. I
   mean he has a cell phone and all now."


1. 




Q: Did you hear about the new German microwave oven?
A: It seats 500.

2. 




Jon's working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the 
buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He 
goes to the emergency room.

The doctor says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I'll see 
what I can do."

Jon says, "I haven't got the fingers."

The doctor says, "What do you mean, you haven't got the 
fingers? It's 1998. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of 
incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made 
you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?"

Jon says, "Well, shit, Doc, I couldn't pick 'em up."

3. 




   A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years
   before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked
   about 10 feet behind their husbands.
   
   She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked
   several yards behind their wives.
   
   She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is
   marvelous," said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achieve
   this reversal of roles?"
   
   Replied the Kuwaiti woman: "Land mines"
   


4. 




This bloke was ordered from the pool for pissing in the water.
"That's ridiculous!" he shouted at the pool manager. "Everybody does it,
you know."
"That may be so," came the reply, "but usually not from the diving board."


5. 



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