Today's jokes [7.31.14]
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Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A: One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with....
the other is used to carry groceries.
Cop coming upon a young couple making out....
Cop: What the hell are you two doing?
Boy: We're necking.
Cop: Well stick your neck back in your pants and get out of here.
The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband's lusty advances
on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely. "I demand proper
manners in bed," she declared, "just as I do at the dinner table."
Amused by his wife's formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and
climbed quietly between the sheets. "Is that better?" he asked, with a
hint of a smile." "Yes," replied the girl, "much better." "Very good,
darling," the husband whispered. "Now would you be so kind as to please
pass the pussy."
A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the
letter "R," and all the other kids were, of course,
teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave
him a sentence to practice at home: "Robert gave Richard
a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare."
In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to
recite the sentence out loud.
The boy nervously eyed his classmates -- many of them
already laughing at him -- then replied, "Bob gave Dick
a poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough."
Did you hear the one about the blonde fox that got stuck in a trap?
She chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
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