Today's jokes [7.30.14]
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On the beach, how can you recognize a guy who uses an
inflatable sex doll?
Instead of staring at the bikinis, he's staring at the beach balls.
Serbian official press agency claimed today that Serbian forces shot down
two F-117 Planes and four Ballistic "smart" missiles.
Pentagon denied the statement, saying that all of them had safely returned
to NATO's base.
he Twelve Politically-Correct Days of Christmas
On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter
festival, my acquaintance-rape survivor gave to me,
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made
up of members in good standing of the Musicians
Equity Union as called for in their union contract
even though they will not be asked to play a note...),
TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the
patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing
milk-products from enslaved bovine-Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected
SIX enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen nonhuman
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced
(Note: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened
to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French
hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native
habitat. To avoid further animal-American enslavement, the
remaining gift package has been revised.)
FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,
THREE deconstructionist poets,
TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed
...And a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
A man walks into a shoe store...
...and tries on a pair of shoes.
"How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.
"Well ... they feel a bit tight." replies the man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the
"Try pulling the tongue out." offers the clerk.
Nath theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth." He says.
Not that my wife's the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this
temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job
on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the
office for my return. The temp, who was truly a ravishing beauty said, "Oh, Mrs. Moore,
I'm so happy to meet you. I'm your husband's new secretary."
Within a single heart beat my wife quietly intoned, "OH ? Really ? Were you ???"
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