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Today's jokes [7.27.14]

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A new American ambassador was being entertained by an African diplomat.
They'd spent the day discussing what the country had received from the
Russians before the new government kicked them out. "The Russians built
us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus, we learned to drink
vodka and play Russian roulette."

The American frowned. "Russian roulette's not a very nice game." The
diplomat smiled. "That's why we developed African roulette. If you
want to have good relations with our country, you'll have to play.
"I'll show you how."

He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later, six magnificently built, nude
women were ushered in. "You can choose any one of those women to give
you oral sex," he told the American.

"That's great," the ambassador said, "but it doesn't seem much like
Russian roulette."

"Oh, it is. One of them is a cannibal."


There was a cowboy who went to the outhouse. He heard some noise, so he 
looked inside, and lo and behold there was an Indian down in the hole.
The cowboy said, "How long have you been down there?"
The Indian replied, "Many moons."


One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's 
crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at 
the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: 
disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, 

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it 
aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her 

"A penny for your thoughts," she said.

"It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can 
make a crib like that for only $46.50."


Studly young Romeo and his dimwitted college sidekick are
perched near the front door of the girls' dorm. Several
plain Janes walk by as the two converse.

Then a Sharon Stone look-alike emerges from the dorm and
saunters past. Romeo turns, smiles, and -- barely audibly
-- inquires, "Tickle your ass with a feather?"

The young beauty -- startled by what she thinks she heard
-- exclaims "What?!" Without missing a beat, Romeo repeats
"Typical nasty weather?" "Oh," she demures, "yes," and goes
on her way.

More young lovelys walk by and the scene is repeated.
"Tickle your ass with a feather?" "What?" 
"Typical nasty weather?"

Finally, Romeo delivers his line,
"Tickle your ass with a feather?" and his prospect stops,
smiles and invites him up to her room.

Now the sidekick, alone, having paid close attention,
decides to try this remarkable new technique. A likely
prospect comes near. The sidekick leers and blurts out,
"Cram a feather up your ass?"

Shocked, the girl spins around and slaps him, to which
he replies, "Looks like rain!" 


   Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they
   love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped
   on her
   reading lamp one passionate night -- only to find a cucumber in his
   "Is THIS", she asked, pointing to the vegetable, "what you've been
   on me for the last 5 years?" "Honey, let me explain..." "Why, you
   bastard!" she screamed. "You impotent son of a -" "Speaking of
   her husband coolly interjected, "maybe you'd like to explain our three


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