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Today's jokes [7.25.14]

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Did you hear about the hillbilly who went into the hardware store to
   buy a chain saw ?
   He said I want one that will cut down at least 10 trees a day.
   He was back at the hardware store with the saw a couple days later
   complaining that it only
   cut one tree and that took all day.
   The clerk at the hardware store started the saw to see what the
   problem was.
   The hillbilly jumped back and said what the hell is that noise?
   


1. 




I married Miss Right.

I just didn't know her first name was Always. 

2. 




A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the
mirror. He asks, "What are you doing?"
She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts
of a 25 year old."
The husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your 50 year old ass?"
She replies, "Frankly dear, your name never came up."



3. 




What do you do when a Blonde throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.

4. 




   Little old Mr. Ravelli is on his front stoop, barbequeing a chicken on
   a manual rotisserie.
   A drunk comes walking along and says, "Hey, man...the music stopped,
   and your
   monkey's on fire."
   


5. 



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