Today's jokes [7.22.14]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger
walked up to him and asked, "If you woke up
in the woods and scratched your butt
and felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?"
"Hell no!" the guy said.
The stranger then asked, "If you felt further into your
crack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?"
The man said, "Of course not."
"Wanna go camping?"
This guy goes into a doctors and says "Doctor, doctor you've gotta help
me. I just can't stop having sex!"
"Well how often do you have it?" the doctor asks. "Well, twice a day I
have sex with my wife, TWICE a day", he answers back.
"That's not so much", says the doctor. "Yes, but thats not all. Twice a
day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE a day," replies the man.
"Well that is probably a bit excessive," says the doctor. "Yes, but
thats not all. Twice a day I have sex with a prostitute, TWICE a day,"
says the man. "Well, that's definitely to much", says the doctor.
"You've got to learn to take yourself in hand." "I do", says the man.
"Twice a day."
To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells
her it'll make her fat. "I won't do it any more, Mom," says the daughter.
Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man. "If I bite my
fingernails, I'll be as fat as that, won't I Mom?" "You'll be fatter than
that," says her mother. They get on a bus, and sitting opposite them is a
very pregnant lady. The little girl can't take her eyes off the woman's
belly. The pregnant lady feels increasingly uncomfortable under this
stare, and finally leans forward and says to the little girl, "Excuse me,
but do you know me?" And the little girl says, "No, but I know what you've
What happens when a lawyer takes viagra?
He gets taller!!
Sent by Bill
A little boy walks up to his father and says, "Dad, what does a pussy
Father responds, "well son, before or after sex?"
Son, "Well, before?"
Father, "picture a tulip with all the petals son."
Son, "well what about after?"
Father, "Picture a bull dog eating mayonnaise!"
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26
27 28 29 30 31