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Today's jokes [7.17.14]

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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a
train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...


A man was looking for a cheap prostitute in a brothel.
He went up to the pimp, and asked him what he had. 
The pimp showed him a blonde whore for $50, but she was
far too expensive. 
The pimp then showed him a brunette for $10, but she was
also too expensive. 
Finally the pimp showed him a whore for $1, who happened
to have her legs open ready. 
The man agreed, but the pimp said he must wear a black condom. 
So the man wore the condom and bonked his heart out and had
the time of his life. He enjoyed it so much he went back the
next day for the same $1 whore, and again had to wear a black
Again the prostitute had her legs open ready. 
When he went the day after, he asked the pimp why he must wear
a black condom? 
The pimp told him "To show respect for the dead." 


What is a macho man?

After getting a blow job, he asks the woman,
'Was it as good for you, as it was for me?'


A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. 
"How are you grandpa?"  he asks.
"Feeling fine," says the old man.
"What's the food like?"
"Terrific, wonderful menus."
"And the nursing?"
"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care 
of you."
"What about sleeping?  Do you sleep okay?"
"No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night.  At 10 
o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra 
tablet, and that's it.  I go out like a light."
The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he 
rushes off to question the Nurse in charge. "What are you 
people doing?" he asks.  "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old 
Viagra on a daily basis.  Surely that can't be true?"
"Oh, yes," replies the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give 
him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet.  It works 
wonderfully well.  The chocolate makes him sleep, and the 
Viagra stops him rolling out of bed."


One of my first evenings back from overseas, my girl's understanding 
parents left us alone in the living room. 
Naturally, we did not talk all the time. In the midst of a kiss, I noticed 
her little sister in her nightgown watching us from the doorway.
"If you will be a good girl and go to bed, I will give you a quarter," I 
said to her.
Without taking the bribe or saying a word, she ran off but soon was back 
"Here is a dollar," she said. "I wanna watch."


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