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Today's jokes [7.15.14]

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   This guy and his girlfriend are fighting....she says "I'm breaking up
   with you." "Why??"
   he asks. She says "because you are a pedophile".
   He says "Pedophile?????? Hmmmm that's an awfully big word for a 10
   year old."
   


1. 




Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same day, were led
down to the room in which they would meet their maker. The priest had
given them last rites, the formal speech had been given by the warden, and
a final prayer had been said among the participants. The Warden, turning
to the first man, solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?"

To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music. Could you
please play The Macarena for me one last time?"

"Certainly," replied the warden. He turned to the other man and asked,
"Well, what about you, son? What is your final request?"

"Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first."

Sent by Zena

2. 




Why are guys faster than girls? 

They have a stick shift and ball bearings.


3. 




   THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DOGS AND CATS
   A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide
   me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They
   must be gods!
   A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide
   me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I
   must be a god!


4. 




   Bob, an experienced sky diver, was getting ready for a jump one day
   when he spotted another man outfitted to dive wearing dark glasses,
   carrying a white cane and holding a seeing-eye dog by a leash. Shocked
   that the blind man was also going to jump, Bob struck up a
   conversation, expressing his admiration for the man's courage. Then,
   curious, he asked, "How do you know when the ground is getting close?"
   
   "Easy," replied the blind man. "The leash goes slack."
   


5. 



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