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Today's poems [6.17.14]

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It Hurts
             I'm sure you can't imagine
             it's as simple as can be
             the place is very private
             the players are he and she

             She whispers softly it will hurt
             of course not he replied
             It's just a simple proscess
             lay back and close your eyes

             She say's I'm rather frightned
             I've never done this before
             He wanted to continue
             it won't hurt much more

             It's getting rather painfull
             as tears come to her eyes
             it's hurting something awful
             it must be quite a size

             Calm yourself my darling
             the pleasure refolds your sin
             Now open slightly
             so I can fit more in

             Suddenly with a jerk
             she gave a shout
             Now that it's all over with
             He slowly pulled it out

             *Now if you read this carefully
              you will find
              it's not what you think
              it's just your dirty mind

              It is just a visit to the dentist!!!

              Sent by Tamara

1. 




submitted by mel & nan

There once was a girl from the East
who had a bad case of the yeast
her guy said "pish, pish"
"it smells like dead fish"
"and that's a smell I don't like in the least"


2. 




                               Ode to Alcohol
     
   
                        Starkle, starkle, little twink,
                        Who the hell you are I think,
                        I'm not under what they call
                        The alcofluence of incohol.
                        I'm not drunk as thinkle peep,
                        I'm just a little slort of sheep.
                        Tee martoonis make a guy
                        Fool so feelish, don't know why
                        Rally don't know who's me yet
                        The drunker I stay the longer I get
                        So just one more to full my cup,
                        I've all day sober to Sunday up.
  


3. 




Hey Masturbater
 
 (To The Tune Of Macarena) 
 
 Sitting in my house and I know that I'm alona, 
 Feeling kinda horny, got a jingle in my bona, 
 Go and grab a Penthouse it's the one with Sharon Stona,
 Hey Masturbata!!! 
 
 I go a little faster and it's feeling kind of nicea,
 Once is not enough so I have to do it twicea, 
 If you wanna spank the monkey I can give you good advicea,
 Hey Masturbata!!! 
 
 I use some baby oil or a little vaselina, 
 Laying down a towel so I keep my carpet cleana, 
 Never shake my hand cos you don't know where its beena,
 Hey Masturbata!!! 
 
 I do it in the car when I'm driving down the streeta,
 One hand on the wheel and the other on my meata, 
 I can't get out the car cos I'm sticking to the seata,
 Hey Masturbata!!! 
 
 Since I was a kid I have been a mastubater, 
 Choke the chicken, hum the knob, squeezing the tomata,
 I've looked at Miss November, now I'm gonna decorata,
 Hey Masturbata!!!! 


 Sent by Paul

4. 




A daring young maid from Dubuque 
               Risked a rather decided rebuke 
                    By receiving a prude 
                    In the absolute nude, 
               But he gasped, "If you only could cook!"

5. 



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