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Today's jokes [6.9.14]

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What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a 
rectal thermometer?

The taste.

1. 




Q:What's another term for lesbian?
A:Vagitarian.


2. 




"But this isn't an engagement ring." the young lady protested. 
"Why it's just a tiny unset diamond."

"Yeah ! I know." said the fellow, "And, it'll be mounted in a 
cluster around a big one, the very day after you are."

3. 




A 70-year-old man has never been married. One day he meets a beautiful 
17-year-old girl, and it is love at first sight. They get married and go 
to Florida for their honeymoon. When they get back, his friend says to 
him, "So, tell me, how was it?"
"Oh, it was beautiful," says the man. "The sun, the surf, we made love 
almost every night, we--"
His friend interrupts him. "A man your age! How did you make love almost 
every night?"
"Oh," says the man, "we almost made love Monday, we almost made love 
Tuesday..." 

4. 




How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?

Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

5. 



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