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Today's jokes [6.4.14]

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The Mortitian arrived at the Mortuary one morning and was
aproached by his assistant.
"Anything interesting happen over-night", asked the mortitian.
"Yes", replied the assistant, "The most gorgeous 18 year-old
blond came in last night. Dead of course"
"What was the cause of death", enquired the mortition.
"I'm not sure",replied the assistant. "But she's got a Prawn
stuck up her cunt!"
"Are you sure?", said the Mortitian.
"Yes, come and have a look for yourself" ,said the assistant
opening the body bag.
The mortitian closely examined the beautifuly trimmed snatch.
"That's not a prawn you stupid wanker", he responded, "That's
her clitoris"
"Are you sure?", said the assisitant,
"'Cuz it certainly tasted like a prawn". 

1. 




   I have this friend who has a real dilemma. His wife won't give him a
   divorce until she figures out a way of doing it without making him a
   happy man.


2. 




A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees 
a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders.  He says, 
"What the hell is that all about?"

The farmer says, "We had a fire in the chicken coop and all 
his feathers got  singed off, so the wife made him some 
clothes to keep him warm. There ain't nothing funnier than 
watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his 
pants down with the other."

3. 




What would you do if you had a condum with a hole
in it in one pocket, and a rattle snake in the other pocket? 

     I don't know either, but I do know that I wouldn't screw with either one of them. 

4. 




Why do Scottsmen wear kilts?



The sound of the zipper scares the sheep.

Sent by Lou

5. 



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