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Today's jokes [6.22.14]

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Q: Why don't women fart?
A: They don't keep their mouths closed long enough to build up pressure!


A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life.  She 
cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive.  
She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would 
change her life.

While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer 
who was trying to get his sheep across the road.  She stopped 
her car and waved the farmer across, thinking this would be her 
first good deed.

After the sheep had all crossed, the blonde said to the farmer, 
"your sheep are so cute.  If I guess how many there are, could 
I have one."

The farmer thought it impossible and told the blonde it was okay.

"637", said the blonde.

The farmer was amazed that the blonde had guessed the exact 
number, but lived up to his bargain.

"I'll take that feisty one over there", said the blonde.

Then the farmer said to the blonde, "Okay, now if I guess the 
real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?


On the occasion of their fiftieth wedding anniversary, Billy-Bob decided 
to forego a big party and treat Linda-Sue to a memorable evening at home.
Quietly filling the bathtub with champagne, he called her into the 
bathroom and they spent a sensual evening soaking in the tub by 

When they were finished, Billy-Bob decided he couldn't let all that
expensive champagne go to waste, so he carefully poured it back into the
empty bottles. However, when he was finished, he found he had nearly a 
half-bottle too much.

He screamed to his wife, "Linda-Sue, you NASTY BITCH, you DIDN'T?!?"


What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night ?

Crib death.


A wife comes home unexpectedly one day and finds her husband in bed with a 
lady midget. Upset and furious over his actions, the woman screams, "You 
promised me two weeks ago that you would never cheat on me again!" Trying
his best to calm her down, the husband turns to his wife and says, "Take 
it easy Dear, Can't you see I'm trying to taper off?"


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