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Today's jokes [6.17.14]

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   Four nuns arrived at the gates of heaven. St. Peter makes the
   inspection. The first one
   says:"I have to confess, I held mans penis in one hand." St. Peter
   says:"You see the bowl
   of holy water, wash your hand and go in." The second says:"I have to
   confess, I held
   mans penis in both hands." St. Peter:"Wash both your hands and go in.
   Suddenly the
   other two start fighting, something terrible. St.Peter goes there,
   pulls them apart, asks
   *What's going on? One of them shouts I want to gargle, before she
   washes her ass in


A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on 
the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. 
"Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. "Grandpa,
what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he
asked again.

The old man slyly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here
with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!"


   Little Johnny was in class again.Teacher asked everyone "Can anyone
   tell me a sentence
   with the word definitely in it?" Meg puts up her hand."The sky is
   definitely blue." "Thats
   not bad,Meg," says the teacher, "but the sky can be grey or red."
   Young Sally tried :"The
   grass is definitely green." "Good try Sally,but grass can be yellow or
   brown too!"
   Suddenly Little Johnny's hand shoots up."Miss Brown does a fart have
   lumps?" The
   teacher was horrified."No of course not Johnny! What are you talking
   about?" So Johnny
   says,"Well then Miss brown, I've definitely shit my pants!"



        17         shopping
        25         shopping
        35         shopping
        48         shopping
        66         shopping


The scene was Mount Olympus, where Bacchus, the Greek 
god of wine, had thrown a party for a pair of visiting Roman 
deities -- Ceres, the goddess of agriculture, and Janus, the two-
faced god of doors and beginnings. Everyone overdid it, more or 
less. Ceres at one point was staggering and turning in circles; 
Janus, equally submerged, was trying to dance with her. 
Bacchus feared that the pair might fall over, so he went to 
steady them. .... This marked the first time that a whirled Ceres 
was held with a double-header.


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