Today's jokes [6.15.14]
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Seems God was just about done creating the universe, had a couple of
left-over things left in his bag of creations, so he stopped by to
visit Adam and Eve in the Garden.
He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the
ability to stand up and pee.
"It's a very handy thing," God told the couple who he found hanging
around under an apple tree. "I was wondering if either one of you
wanted that ability."
Adam popped a cork, jumped up and begged, "Oh, give that to me! I'd
love to be able to do that! It seems the sort of thing a Man should
do. Oh please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability. It
would be so great! When I'm working in the garden or naming the
animals, I could just let it rip, I'd be so cool. Oh please God let it
be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh
please.........." On and on he went like an excited little boy (who
had to pee).
Eve just smiled and shook her head at the display. She told God that
if Adam really wanted it so badly, and it sure seemed to be the sort
of thing that would make him happy, she really wouldn't mind if Adam
were the one given the ability to stand up and pee.
And so it was. And it was...well, good.
"Fine," God said, looking back into his bag of left-over gifts. "And
what do we have left here? Oh yes, multiple orgasms..."
A Ken and Barbie Joke: Why does Barbie never get pregnant?
Because Ken always comes in a box!
During an auction of exotic pets, a woman who had placed
a winning bid told the auctioneer, "I'm paying a fortune
for that parrot. I hope he talks as well as you say he
"I guarantee it, madam," replied the auctioneer. "Who do
you think was bidding against you?"
Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen?
That's the proper place to wash vegetables.
One day the zoo-keeper noticed that "Cheech" the orang-utang was reading
two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.
In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?
"Well," said the orang-utang, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's
keeper or my keeper's brother."
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