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Today's jokes [6.13.14]

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Why don't mexicans have barbeques?

the beans keep slipping through the grill.


Two retired ladies were on the beach in Miami.
They were discussing the fact that if they go
for a swim, someone might steal their cigarettes,
but if they take the cigarettes with them, they
will get soaked. Then they notice a gorgeous girl
walking out of the ocean. She reaches into the top
of her swimsuit, pulls out a perfectly dry
cigarette and book of matches and lights up. The
ladies go up to the girl and ask, "How do you keep
your cigarettes dry?" Her answer, "I put them inside
of a condom."
     The women rush to a pharmacy and ask for a
condom. When the pharmacist asks, "What size?" one of
the ladies says, "It should fit a Camel."


Q: What's the worst part about eating vegetables?
A: The wheelchair.


   A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the
   first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens,
   cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the
   nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to
   amuse him with.
   Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the
   dogs, and go shooting?" This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with
   enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail.
   After a few hours, the nephew returned.
   "How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle.
   "It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?"


   A wild rabbit got caught and was taken to a laboratory. While he was
   in there he befriended a rabbit who had been in the lab since the day
   he was born.
   Anyway, one evening the wild rabbit noticed that his cage hadn't been
   properly closed, and decided to make a break for freedom. He asked the
   lab rabbit if he would like to join him. The lab rabbit was unsure, as
   he had never been outside the lab. However, the wild rabbit finally
   convinced him to give it a try.
   Once they were free, the wild rabbit said, "I'll show you the number
   three best field." and took the lab rabbit to a field full of lettuce.
   After they had eaten their fill, the wild rabbit said, "Now I'll show
   you the number two best field." and took the lab rabbit to a field
   full of carrots.
   After they had eaten their fill, the wild rabbit said, "Now I'll show
   you the number one best field." and took the lab rabbit to a warren
   full of female bunnies. It was heaven, non-stop bonking most of the
   As dawn was beginning to break, the lab rabbit announced that he would
   have to be getting back to the lab.
   "Why?" said the wild rabbit. "I've shown you the number three best
   field with the lettuce, the number two best field with the carrots,
   and the number one best field with the bonking. Why do you want to go
   back to the lab?"
   The lab rabbit replied "I can't help it - I'm dying for a cigarette!"


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