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Today's jokes [6.12.14]

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   Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...
   
   The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimer's disease or AIDS."
   
   "What do you mean?" the guy says. "You can't tell the difference?"
   
   "Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what..
   Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if
   she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
   


1. 




An ant and an elephant share a night of romance.  Next morning the ant
wakes up and the elephant is dead.  "Damn", says the ant, "one night
of passion and I spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"

2. 




   An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up.
   While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, "So how has
   life been treating
   you?" The old man replies,"The Lord's been good to me. Every night
   when I go to the
   bathroom, He turns the light on and when I'm finished, He turns the
   light off."
   While the old woman is with the doctor, the doctor told her what her
   husband said. She
   replied, "Damn it! The old fart's been pissing in the ice box again!"
   


3. 




                             The Big Horse Race
     
   
Horses in the race are:

1. Passionate Lady
2. Bare Belly
3. Silk Panties
4. Conscience
5. Jockey Shorts
6. Clean Sheets
7. Thighs
8. Big Johnson
9. Heavy Bosum
10. Merry Cherry

At the Post:

They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post.
Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry.
Heavy Bosum is being pressured.
Passionate lady is caught between Thighs and Big Johnson
   in a very tight spot.
At the Halfway Mark it's Bare Belly on top.
Thighs opens up and Big Johnson is pressed in.
Heavy Bosum is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets.
Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly.
Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson.
At The Stretch Merry Cherry cracks under the strain.
Big Johnson is making a final drive.
Passionate Lady is coming.
At The Finish It's Big Johnson giving everything he's got and
   Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson has to offer.
It looks like a dead heat but Big Johnson squirts through and
   wins by a head.
Heavy Bosum weakens and Thighs pulls-up.
Clean Sheets never had a chance.
  


4. 




How do you know when you have a serious overbite?

When beaver starts tasting like shit. 

5. 



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