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Today's stories [5.22.14]

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An associate at work a number of years ago related this story which
he swore was true... 
He was dating a Jehovah's Witness, (I don't know what sort of date 
would make, milk and cookies after prayers, or some such thing),
and they were driving along a rural road on a murky day. He muttered
some offhanded obscenity, and his date started scolding him, saying
that He would not want him to swear. Kidding, he swore at her again
when all of a sudden the murky sky turned into a raging cloudburst.
Lighting struck a telephone pole not too far away, and his horrified
date said, "See! I told you He does not want you to swear!" To which
he quipped, "Yeah, but the Son of a Bitch missed, didn't he?". 
They were moving slowly because of the heavy rain, and the girl fairly
leaped out of the car without waiting for it to stop,. and ran off into
the dark never to be seen again.

1. 




Did you hear that there was a plane wreck in England. The little
two-seater crashed right into grave yard. The rescue teams have
already found 1529 bodies.



2. 




And now, news from the Royal wedding...

On the day of the wedding, Sophie was getting dressed, surrounded
by all her family, and she suddenly realised she had forgotten to
get any shoes.
Panic!
Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes
from her wedding so she lent them to Sophie for the day.
Unfortunately they were a bit too small and by the time the
festivities were over Sophie's feet were agony.  When she and
Edward withdrew to their room the only thing she could think  of
was getting her shoes off.
The rest of the Family crowded round the door to the bedroom and
they heard roughly what they expected, grunts, straining noises
and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually they heard Edward
say "God that was tight"
"There," whispered the Queen. "I told you she was a virgin."
Then to their surprise, they heard Edward say. "Right. Now for
the other one."
Followed by more grunting and straining and at last Edward said,
"My God.  That was even tighter"
That's my boy," said the Duke. "Once a sailor, always a sailor."

3. 



BONUS! A random story from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




This guy was playing a game of texas holdem poker and had already lost 300 dollars when suddenly he looked down, and just next to the table he sees a little green leprechaun.
"Jus quit playing poker right now and I will give you a million dollars worth in a pot full of gold said the little green gentlemen.
The player replied, sure "just Let me get even first."


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