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Today's jokes [5.9.14]

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Paul says to Jesus, "Hey man, whatcha doing for Passover?"

Jesus says, "Just hanging around."

1. 




A man suspected his wife was cheating on him, so when
he left town, he hired a famous Chinese detective to
investigate. A few days later he received this letter.

Most Honorable Sir,

You leave house,
He come to house.
He and she leave house,
I follow.
He and she go to hotel,
I climb tree to see.
He kiss she,
she kiss he.
He strip she,
she strip he.
I play with me,
I fall out of tree,
I not see.

No fee,

Chen Lee

2. 




A nun comes to her Mother Superior and asks her to hear a confession: 
"Today I enjoyed the pleasures of the flesh. Father Goodwim came to me and 
told me that I had the gates to Heaven here between my legs. Then he said
that he had the key to Heaven, and he put it in the gates."
"BASTARD!" cried the Mother Superior. "For years he told me it was 
Gabriel's trumpet and I have been blowing it." 

3. 




What is the difference between a Certificate of Deposit and Intercourse?



A Certificate of Deposit has significant penalty for early withdrawl.

Sent by Josh

4. 




What's an atheist's favorite Christmas movie?

Coincidence on 34th Street.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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