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Today's jokes [5.7.14]

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Aspirin makes a great contraceptive. Jhold it between your knees.


The little darlings were all in their seats on the first day of school and 
their new teacher introduced herself. She wrote on the board that her name 
is Ms. Prussy and the day passed without any further incidents. 

The next morning after greeting the class she asked if anyone remembered 
her name and little johnny waved frantically. The teacher taken by his 
enthusiasm called on him. In a timid voice he said "Miss Crunt?"


An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name
legally changed. When he replied, the desk clerk asked
"Can i help you sir?"
Our man said "Yes, I would like to change my name."
"What is your current name?" asked the clerk.
"Martin Arsehole," replied the man.
The clerk laughed, and said "I can see why you want a
change. What would you like your new name to be?"


Chain Letter Type IV

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.  Send it to every one of your

- A friend is someone who is always at your side,
- A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like a wet dog,
- A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly,
- A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
- A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about
   your loser life,
- A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think
   you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs, - A
friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets
  the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English no, sorry that's   
 the cleaning lady,

Now pass this on! If you don't, Satan will send dogs in heat to your room in
your sleep!!

There.   Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of chain
letters, onto the ironic part.  In order for this to get any popularity,
send it on!!!  If you don't think it was funny at all, don't bother, but
otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!!  If you don't, I don't
care.  Thanks!

Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it.

TRASH IT!!!  If it's a joke or something, send it, sure! Just don't forget
to delete the chain letter part.  But if it's gonna make people feel guilty 
(i.e. the willieless boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e.
Miranda Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall of poop), just DELETE it.

Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and say NO!!! to 


A business man from New York decided to quit his job and buy a 200 acre 
spread in Montana. One day while out riding his horse, he came across 
another man on horseback. The man told him he was his next door neighbor 
and he was having a get-together the coming weekend. He said: I have to 
warn you though, there will be alot of drinking at this party. The city 
slicker said no problem. There will also be sex going on. No problem he 
responded. Well, There will probably be some fighting too. I think I can 
handle myself, claimed the new neighbor. As he rode off, he turned and 
asked the party host. "By the way, what should I wear  at the party" The 
man, responded "Oh, it don't matter, It's only going to be me and you!"

Sent by Chris


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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