Today's jokes [5.7.14]
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Aspirin makes a great contraceptive. Jhold it between your knees.
The little darlings were all in their seats on the first day of school and
their new teacher introduced herself. She wrote on the board that her name
is Ms. Prussy and the day passed without any further incidents.
The next morning after greeting the class she asked if anyone remembered
her name and little johnny waved frantically. The teacher taken by his
enthusiasm called on him. In a timid voice he said "Miss Crunt?"
An Irish man went to the courthouse to change his name
legally changed. When he replied, the desk clerk asked
"Can i help you sir?"
Our man said "Yes, I would like to change my name."
"What is your current name?" asked the clerk.
"Martin Arsehole," replied the man.
The clerk laughed, and said "I can see why you want a
change. What would you like your new name to be?"
Chain Letter Type IV
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your
- A friend is someone who is always at your side,
- A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like a wet dog,
- A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly,
- A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
- A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about
your loser life,
- A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think
you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs, - A
friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets
the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English no, sorry that's
the cleaning lady,
Now pass this on! If you don't, Satan will send dogs in heat to your room in
There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of chain
letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any popularity,
send it on!!! If you don't think it was funny at all, don't bother, but
otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!! If you don't, I don't
Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it.
TRASH IT!!! If it's a joke or something, send it, sure! Just don't forget
to delete the chain letter part. But if it's gonna make people feel guilty
(i.e. the willieless boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e.
Miranda Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall of poop), just DELETE it.
Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and say NO!!! to
BLOODY CHAIN LETTERS!!" Thank you.
A business man from New York decided to quit his job and buy a 200 acre
spread in Montana. One day while out riding his horse, he came across
another man on horseback. The man told him he was his next door neighbor
and he was having a get-together the coming weekend. He said: I have to
warn you though, there will be alot of drinking at this party. The city
slicker said no problem. There will also be sex going on. No problem he
responded. Well, There will probably be some fighting too. I think I can
handle myself, claimed the new neighbor. As he rode off, he turned and
asked the party host. "By the way, what should I wear at the party" The
man, responded "Oh, it don't matter, It's only going to be me and you!"
Sent by Chris
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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