Today's jokes [5.31.14]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Email Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
Q: How do you tell if you're making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher, or
an airline stewardess?
A: A nurse says: "This won't hurt a bit." A schoolteacher says, "We're
going to have to do this over and over
again until we get it right." An airline stewardess says, "Just hold this
over your mouth and nose, and breath
It was laying limp in my hand. It was very long, kind of thin. I
slid it between my fingers until I got to the end of it. I was
turning it on. It became firm in my hands, and the end was
wet. Then it got very hard and began gushing out of the tip.
Then I took the garden hose and watered the bushes.
A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar
in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err,
which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside
to the parking meter?"
A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body
hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on
his stool, looked down at the quivering little man
and said, "It's my dog. Why?"
"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous,
"I believe my dog just killed it, sir."
"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the
hell kind of dog do you have?"
"Sir," answered the little man, "It's a four week old
"Bull!" roared the biker, "How could your puppy kill my
"It appears that he choked on it, sir."
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent.
Why does Helen Keller wear tight pants?
- So people can read her lips.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30 31