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Today's jokes [5.29.14]

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Did you hear that Princess Di was on the radio a couple of weeks ago? 

Yep, and on the dashboard, and on the window, and on the hood.... 


1. 




You know why a dog licks his ass?

Because he knows in five minutes he'll be licking your face.

2. 




State of Kentucky

                           12th Grade Reading Test



                      TEST #1         TEST #2          TEST #3           TEST #4

                      MR Ducks        MR Snakes        MR Farmers        MR Mice
                      MR Knot         MR Knot          MR Knot           MR Knot
                        SAR             SAR              SAR               SAR
                    CM Wangs        CM BDI's         CMMT Pockets      CMEDBD Feet
                        LIB             LIB              LIB               LIB
                      MR Ducks        MR Snakes        MR Farmers        MR Mice



3. 




Man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is
happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's
poisoning me, what should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her,
I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke
to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You
want my advice?"
The man anxiously says, "Yes."
"Take the poison," says the Rabbi

4. 




Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel.
Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk up to the front door, glance around 
and duck inside. "Ah, will you look at that?" One ditch digger said.
"What's our world comin' to when men of th' cloth are visitin' such
places?"
A short time later, a Protestant minister walked up to the door and
quietly slipped inside. "Do you believe that?" The workman exclaimed.
"Why, 'tis no wonder th' young people today are so confused, what with
the example clergymen set for them."
After an hour went by, the men watched as a Catholic priest quickly
entered the whore house. "Ah, what a pity," the digger said, leaning
on his shovel. "One of th' poor lasses must be ill."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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