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Today's jokes [5.26.14]

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Q: What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A: Make a tire and call it a good year.


1. 




   A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he
   could buy him a drink.
   "Why of course," comes the reply.
   The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
   "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man.
   The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's
   have another round to
   Ireland."
   "Of course," replies the second man.
   Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
   "Dublin," comes the reply.
   "I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's
   have another drink to
   Dublin."
   "Of course," replies the second man.
   Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you
   go to?"
   "Saint Mary's," replies the second man, "I graduated in '62."
   "This is unbelievable!", the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's
   and I graduated in '62,
   too!"
   About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
   "What's been going
   on?" he asks the bartender.
   "Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Mally twins are drunk
   again."
   


2. 




Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husbands in
back.  Herb says to Sam, "Gee, we went to a new restaurant last night
and had the best meal ever.  Good prices too."

Sam says, "Well, we like to eat out too.  What was the name of the
restaurant?"

Herb says, "You'll going to have to help me out here a little.  What's
the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, grows on a thorny bush?"
Sam says, "How about rose?"

"Yes, yes,  that's it!" cries Herb, then calls ahead to his wife. 
"Rose.  Hey, Rose. What was the name of the restaurant we ate at last
night?"

3. 




A man rented a camel to make a trip to an important customer out in the 
desert. There was only one camel available, and it had one little problem, 
the guy told him. Periodically, this camel would stop and refuse to move 
until somebody beat it off. The man is desperate, so he decides he will go 
along with that. He sets off into the desert. Sure as hell, he has to beat 
off the camel every day for the first three days. On the fourth day, the 
camel stops again and refuses to move, so the guy gets down and prepares 
to do his duty, but the camel quickly steps aside. He tries again, And 
again. Finally in exasperation he walks in front of the camel and says 
"For Christ's sake, what do you want now?" The camel puckers up and makes 
little sucking noises.

4. 




How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Three. one to screw in the lightbulb, and another to suck my dick
.as I beat my wife!


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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